A man looses evrything bcoz of drinking;
He sees empty beer botles & smashes d 1st one swearing
"u r d reason i dont have a wife",
Smashes 2nd one saying
"u r d reason i dont have a job."
3rd bottle,he notices it was sealed & full of beer,he says
"STAND ASIDE I KNOW U R NOT INVOLVED."
--------------------
Girl in da party, to man:
excuse me kya aap mere face se ek cheez hata sakte hain?
man: (khush ho ke) ha bolo
girl: apni kutte jaisi nazar !

A very imp message from God to all men and women-Lying with somebody on bed & screaming
"OH MY GOD..!
OH GOD..!
OH GOD..!"
will not be considered as PRAYER
-------------------
Ek aadmi ne zoo me 3 zubaane bolne wala totaa dekha Jo english, hindi aur haryanvi bolta tha.
Usne 3 zubane test karni chahi.
Aadmi- who are u?
Totaa- I am parrot.
Aadmi- Tum koun ho?
Totaa- Mein totaa hoon.
Aadmi - Tu kaun se re?
Totaa- Teri maa ka khasam su saale, ek baar me samajh na aawe ke.
--------------------
Saas: Bahu naya chawal aya hai, kaisa hai ?
Bahu: Ekdm apke Ladke jaisa, chadhate hi pak jata hai or pani chhod deta hai, Turant utarna padta hai !
--------------------
Bhagwan Ne Aurat Ko
Sunder Bnaya,
khubsurat Dimag Dia
Hirni C Aakhe
Gulab Se Hoth
Pyar Bhara Dil Diya
Fir..
Juban Dekar
Sab Par Pani Fer Diya:-P
:-)
--------------------

JOKE OF THE DAY

Teacher: Sb se jyada calcium kis dudh me hai? Boy:16sal ki ladki k dudh me..Q k ispe moo lagao to jism k un hisso mein b jaan aajati hai jisme haddi nahi hoti..

Ma:Beta paper kida hoya?Beta:Bas rehn de ched na darda nu,satho dard sunaya nhi jana.Ma:Te tere veer da?Beta:Eh jo slli-slli aundi e hawa,oh v kite ronda hovega.

SantavKo uska Sasur Jute Mar RahaTha
Man-Q Mar Rahe Ho?
Sasur-maine ise Hospital Se SMS Kiya,TUM BAAP BAN GYE ho.
Isne Apne Sare Doston Ko Frwd kr diya :-)
--------------------
Santa made a cal 2 da hospital 2 enquire bou' hiz pregnant wife.But da cal wnt 2 a Crickt stadium. He askd.. 'wat iz da conditn?' Santa hd a heart attck aftr he got da answr.. "7 r olready out.3 more stil 2 cum.first 1 was a duck..!!!
--------------------
Husband makes a peg of whisky & shout on wife:
"PEE ISKO" Wife: "Chhiiiiii" "Kitna Kadva hai."?
Husband: "Aur tu sochti hai ki main roz AISH krta hu
--------------------
Fighter pilot santa kamyabi k baad apna jahaaj land karne pe bohat khush hua..
Niche utarne pe staff ne usey hatho hath lia aur airman uski wardi utarne me help karne lge..
Santa (fakr se): Aaj maine Pakistan ke 4 jahaaz, 2 helicopter or 1 tank ko mara h..
Airman: Wo sab to theek hai, lekin sir ji apne 1 galti kar di..
Santa :Kaun si galti??
Airman: Bas aap isi khushi me Pakistan me hi land kar gye hain.. @
---------------------
Santa plane land hote hi chillane laga-Banglore aaya banglore aaya Balle Balle,
Air hostess-hello sir.B silent.
Santa-Ok, anglore aaya anglore aaya alle alle.
---------------------
Jokes
TEASERS- If Some1 asks me whom do I love d most?
I wud sit next to u put my arm around u and aay proudly, I Love Animals Especially this Monkey.
---------------------
Mouse Marige song,
CHUHE ka SEHRA suhana lgta h,
CHUHIYA ka to DIL diwana lgta h,
pal bhar me aise Kutarte h kapde,
ab to hr kapda purana lgta he,,,?
-----------------------
Memories play vry confusing
role in everybody's life;They make u laugh when u remember d time u cried..,But they make u cry when u remember d time u laughed..
-----------------------
Never kiss a doctor she said next,never kiss a lawyer she said objection,always kiss a teacher she said do it 5 times and revise it tommorow.
-----------------------
Teacher to Electronics Students
NAADE ko English mai kya kehte hai ?
Student:- P.H.D.
Teacher: Kya Matlab ?
Student - Pejama Holding Device
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Y u laughing

Jokes
Employee1: I think the new cashier is dishonest. Employee 2: You shouldn't judge by appearances. Employee 1: Im not. I'm judging by disappearances!
------------------------
Jokes
Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!' 'Do you drink a lot?' 'Not really - I spill most of it!'
------------------------
Jokes
Definition of Yawn - The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
------------------------
Only 842 girls left for every 1000 boys...
Save girls !!
We can save the tigers later...
Sher chahiye ya Bandi...??
------------------------
Bald Man to Stylist in Beauty Shop: If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me pain,I'll pay you Rs.5000. Stylist said ok and shaved her head.
------------------------
Papa-Ye kya tmhre maths me out of 100 me 1 mrks aye h
Son-Jb irado me ho dum to hoslo me q nhi
P-Wht?
S-Srf 2 zero ka farak h papa aa jaynge..
------------------------
Man on phone What time does library open?Reply: 9 A.M. Man: So late? Reply: U want to get in before 9? Man: I don't want to get in. I want to get out.

JOKE OF THE DAY

A SENSEFULL STORY..
A mechanic was removing the engine parts from a motorcycle,when he saw famous heart surgeon in his shop..
He called the surgeon and said.. "Look at this engine...I opened its heart,took the valves out, repaired and put them back"...
So why do I get such a small salary and u get such a huge sum....
The doctor smiled at the mechanic and came close 2 his ear and said....
"Try the same when the engine is running."

Wife: Why are u worried? Doctor: I think I've finally cured Bhola. Wife: So y are u worried? Doctor:I ve given him so many pills I don't know which one worked.
-----------------------
What is Tension?
1 Sunder Ladki Ne Sirf Apse Lift Maangi
Raste Me Uski Tabiyat Kharab Ho Gai
Aap Use Hospital Le Gaye
Dr. Bola - Ap Baap Banne Wale Ho
LO JI HO GAYI TENSION
Aap Bole Main Iska Baap Nhi Hu
Fir Ladki Boli Yahi Iska Baap h
OR TENSION
Police Aayi Aapka Medical Checkp hua
Report Aayi Ki Aap To Kabhi Baap Hi Nhi Ban Sakte
Apko or Tension
apne thank GOD Kha
or nikal liye
fir socha ghar pe jo 2 bache h vo kiske h
THIS IS REAL TENSION.
------------------------
Santa khaali baitha tha, Banta-ye kya kar rahe ho?
Santa-badla le raha hu
Banta-kisse
Santa-waqt se usne mujhe barbaad kiya,ab main waqt ko barbaad kar raha hu.
------------------------
Gabbar:Tatti kar basanti. VEERU:Nhi Basnti in kutto k samne mat karna ye tmhe pani b nhi denge or chutar us kutte se chatvange jo msg padh raha hai.ha.ha.ha.
------------------------
TEASERS- HELP.Cops are after a suspect who smart, witty, sexy and good lookin...so where you gonna hide ME?
------------------------
Masterji studnts se bole-
koi aashiqi wala sher sunao..
Studnt-
mota marta moti pe,
bhuka marta roti pe,
mastarji ki 3 betiya,
me to marta chhoti pe..
-------------------------
Police stopped circus juggler for speeding, and asked juggler to perform. Another car passed by. Driver said: Oh my God, is that the new drunken driving test?
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just laugh

Chuhe ko billi lagi gori,
dono milne lge chori chori,
chuha bola gori aa khele ankh micholi,
billi ne chuhe ko khaya, or boli
"I HATE LUV STORY!"
-------------------
Santa to banta: Hum dono me kya rishta he
Banta- Jo Besan or Pakode ka he
Santa-wo kese
Banta-Qki jab Besan SANTA hai tabhi to Pakoda BANTA he
--------------------
2 ENGG. Student raat me padhte hue
1st:Kitne bje hai.
2nd: 1patthar uthakar samne k ghar par mara
1 aurat nikli boli:Kamino ab to so jao rat k 3 baj rahe he
--------------------
Minister to Sexy wife: sach sach batao tumne kitni bar humse bewafai ki?
Wife:3 bar.
MINSTER-kab aur kaha?
WIFE: jab apka heart operation hua to Dr ke saath,
Fir jab Aap jail me band hue to judge ke sath.
MINSTER-Tisri bar ?
WIFE- Jab apko sarkar banani thi Aur apke pass 78 MLA kum the

JOKE OF THE DAY

80yr Old man to Dr:
My 20yr old Wife is Pregnant.
Dr: Ek Kahani suno. 1 Shikari shikar pe jate hue jaldi me Gun ki jagah Umbrela le gaya. Jungle me uske samne Lion aaya, Usne Umbrela ka Handle Khicha or Fire kiya, Lion mar gaya..
Old man:-Impossible, Kisi aur ne Goli mari hogi.
Dr: 'EXACTLY'

Defintion of Arrange Marriage..
"Bika hua Maal vapis nahi hoga"..
&
Defintion of Love Marriage>
"Pahle Istemal kare, Phir Vishwas kare"
----------------------------
Frogs had competition to reach top of hill.
All frogs shouted,its impossible.
Bt,1 frog reached d top. Hw?
He was deaf.
'Be a deaf 4 negative words'..:-)
-----------------------------
A boy got a job in a girls' hostel.. After one month, warden asked the boy: Why didn't u come to take ur salary?? Boy- KYA ????
Salary bhi milegi...::-.
-----------------------------
If Columbus had a GF, he might have never discovered America becoz...
GF: Where r u going?
With whom? How r u going? To discover what?
Why only u? What should I do wen u r gone? Can i cum wid u? Wen wil u b back?
Whr wil u stay? U'll miss me na?
COLUMBUS: Le meri maa, nahi jata! Khush....
BE SINGLE!!:-)
------------------------------
Husband and wife in the middle of quarrel. Hubby: Be careful. You will bring out the animal in me. Wife: So what? Who's afraid of a mouse?
------------------------------
A Bhakt:Bhagwan Mujhe Dard De,
Dukh De
Tension De
Mujhe Barbad Kar De
Mere Piche Har Mushkil Laga De
Bhagwan: Abe Sale Ek Line Me Bol
"GIRLFRIEND" CHAHIYE.
------------------------------
Callgirl bimar ho Gayi
Doctor - yeh lo davai aur tumhe araam ki sakht jarurat hai, is liye 3 din bistar se
rehna.;-)
------------------------------
1 Call Girl ka janaaza nikla to use dekh k 1 Aadmi bola-Chalo achchha hua.!aakhir aapas me dono milli to sahi---Kisi ne puchha kon dono.?
Wo bola-:Uski Taange.
------------------------------
Gangu said to Mangu, I have invented a new kind of computer which behaves like a human being. Whenever it makes a mistake, it blames other computers.'
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sms2010

History prof was on leave
So science prof was askd 2
prepar history Q paper
Studnts stunnd seein 1 Q
DSCRIBE JHANSI ki RANI WIT A NEAT DIAGRAM & LABEL D PARTS.
------------------------
Teachr: Main kisi par bhi 1 nazar dal k bta sakti hu k wo mere bare me kya soch raha h.
1 baccha: Miss jab apko pta chal jata hoga toh badi sharm ati hogi na;
------------------------
LOVE JOKE
Difference btw biology and sociology.
A-When the baby looks like his dad, its BIOLOGY.
When the baby looks like the neighbour its SOCIOLOGY.
-------------------------
RIDDLE
Name 3 consecutive days without using the words Monday,Tuesday,Wednesday,Thursday,Friday,Saturday or Sunday?
Ans-Yesterday,Today and Tomorrow.
-------------------------
OFFICE BLUES
SID-Y did u quit ur last job?
MANGU-Sickness
SID-Wat was it?
MANGU-My boss was sick of me.
-------------------------
OFFICE BLUES
Notice by HR- We will not accept ur doctors statement as proof.
We believe that if u are able to go to the doctor...
You are able to go to work.
-------------------------

JOKE OF THE DAY

Ladki: Condom dena.
Dukandar: Kis liye ?
Ladki: tere Baap
ko Gift dungi taaki tere jaise kam dimaag wala, dusra c*hutiya paida na ho!

OFFICE BLUES
CEO to employees
If you work hard this year
I will give you cheques for Rs. 50,000.
If you work hard again next year,
I'll sign those cheques
--------------------------
Muskarate chehron ko bhi gam ho sakta hai...... Muskarate chehron ko bhi gam ho sakta hai .......... . Lawaris wastuain na chuain bomb ho sakta hai ... :))
--------------------------
Jokes
Patient:Doctor I am very worried about the outcome of this eye operation.Wat are the chances? Doctor: Don't worry you wont be able to see the difference.
-------------------------
Interviewer: Congrats, u r selectd...
Ur 1st Yr Salary is Rs 60,000 & Next Year it'll Be 1 lakh...
Manpreet: Ok sir..!!
Thank u very much.
I will join Nxt year.
--------------------------
Ultimate bezzati
Garmi me Bus Stop pe Log bus K intizaar me khade the,
1 bhikari aya,
Sub se paise liye
Or
Taxi me baith kar chala gaya.!!
---------------------------
QUESTION of the DAY
jab PYAR aur
JANG me sab kuch
JAYAZ hai..
to PYAR me hone wala BACCHA NAJAYAZ KYU Hai...
jago grhak jago..
---------------------------
Take this stR'ess test.
By A'nswering
these tWo questions..
1. Which mouse
has two legs?
Mickey mouse !
2. Which duck has 2 legs?
If you answered
Donald Duck
You are under stress...
BeCause
All ducks have two legs:-P
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Adult Sms

Zindagi ka Sabse Khatarnak Stunt: !Talvaar ki Tez Dhaar Par Nangi Gaand se Fisalna. Aur Phir Lund SeBreak Marna. Kya hua?Sochte hi Gaand Phat Gayi
--------------------------
Akbar: Tum ghanti bajake puja karte ho ,Bhagwan kya sote rehte hai?
Birbal: hujur aap g**and uthake namaz padte ho, Allah kya g**and marne aate hai.
--------------------------
Her lady Sex k Time alag-alg bat krti h
Nokrni-Jldi kro malkin aa jaegi
Padosn-Dhire kro awaz bahr Na jai
Premika-thoda or kro
Biwi-Pankha kitna gnda ho gya
---------------------------

JOKE OF THE DAY

What is common between moov & l*nd
Dono ander tak jaye garmahat dilaay arram dilaay
Ah... Se Ahhaaa..... Tak
,,,
(',")
(';') __ //\ \
_/_/ <<\~/_ /_

Ohh!!
ahh!
sss..
Ab uth jao..
aur ainda se message karte rehna.
Nahi to fir se g*and marlunga, samjhe?

Name of some sex minister of our neighbour countries
Pakistan : Shake my boob
Russia : Zabardasti boobs press ki
Sri Lanka: Suck My lingam
America: Le jhar le
China: Gaand sung lee
-------------------------
MARRIAGE CARD:Mrs.bra n mr. Langot singh requst ur presence 4 the mariage of their son
L*ND KISHORE
With
CH*T KUMARI
(d/o mrs. N mr.g*andu singh r/o gandimendu)
VENUE:
Shanti bai ka kotha ch*udai wala lawn
FUNCTIONS:
Boobs dabai-16AUGUST
Chumma chati-17august
CH*ODUM CH*UDAI-18AUGUST
RSPV:
Ghanta singh(mama)
(.....)
--------------------------
women Luv gold more than men? . . . . . . Because gold has 24 carrot whereas man has only one carrot.
--------------------------
U loose 90 calories after a 30 minute Walk.. AND U loose 160 calories after 3 minutes of Sex...Time Aapka.. Faisla Aapka.... WALKING ya THOKKING...??
---------------------------
Ladki k Boobs jitne bade honge,
Uski Sundrta utni badti hai,
Tabhi to kabir ne kaha-
Choti Chuchi dekh k diya Kabira roy,
Aise b kis kam k jo DABA sake na koi...
---------------------------
2 Ladies CAR Driving Seekh rahi thi.
Unke Pati:YAAR meri BiWi to RAAT ko GEAR SAMAJH kar HiLATi rahi. DUSRA: meri BiWi to PANTY KHOL kar boli 200 ka DAAL do.
---------------------------
Patni-Aap Ne Mere BO*OBs Muh Me Le-Le Kr Bahut Bade Kar Diye Hai
Pati-Pagli, Agar Is Tarah Hota To Aaj Mera L*ND Mere Ghutne Tak Latak Gaya Hota..
---------------------------
Bra Me Parvat Milta He Panty Me Khaai Milti He Lakh Dard Ho Magar Parvat Pr Chade Bina Raha Nhi Jata or Khaai Me Gire Bina Maza Ni Aata.
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Adult sms

Adult poem..:
Mohini aao khelenge,
Nahi aap hamari le lenge.
Yhi to pyar ki kasauti hai,
Nahi,abhi to meri bahut chhoti hai.
Dekh tere liye is dil me kitna pyar bhara hai,
Nhi mjhe pata hai aapka bahut bada hai.
Dekh ye tera husn aur nikhaar dega,
Ji nahi,ye to meri buri trah phaad dega!
-----------------------------
Kaam wali bai ko 1 din condom mila, Bai: Maalkin ye kya h Maalkin: tere gaon mein sex nahi karte kya? Bai: karte hain pr itna nahi ki khal utr jaye.
-----------------------------
*Just like F*CK, we Indians also hv a universal versatile word -B*HENCHOD
As a NOUN-wo 1 b*henchod hai.
As a VERB-zyada b*henchody mat kar.
As an ADJECTV- b*henchod launda hai
Now 4 different emotions-
ANGER- Bhak b*henchod.--
FRUSTRATION- Sab chu*tiye hain sale b*henchod.
SHOCK- Oye Behenchod !!
ACCEPTANCE-sahi hai b*henchod
REJECTION-g*and marao b*henchod
FEAR-ab kya hoga b*henchod?
JOY - Sabki B*henchod di.
--------------------------------
*Interview board. What's ur wife's name? Snta:Bubbly. INTERVIEW BOARD:What's her whole name? SNTA:Hole ka naam to rkha nhi, Hm to pyar se f*di f*udi bolte hai.
---------------------------------

JOKE OF THE DAY

Bus driver k peache baitha ek baccha shor kr raha tha.
Ager meri maa hathni or bap hathi hota to main chota hathi hota!
Ager meri maa cow or bap bull hota to main chota bull hota.
Is terhan janwaro k naam lieye,
Itne main Bus driver ghusse main bola,
ager teri maa randi or bap gandu hota to tu kya hota?
Bacha: BUS DRIVER!!

Santa ki Accident Me L*ulli Toot Gyi Dr.Ne Hathi Ki Soond Lagai
Aftr 1 Mnth Santa Bola-Baki Thik Hai Bus Jahan Hare Patte Dikhte Hai Tod k G*and Me Daal Deta Hai.

*Q:Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos she lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2stones with the help of a crane.
----------------------------------
*Sexual Thoughts of the day.Its not the length, its not the size,its how many times u can make it rise!its not how well it fits but how often u can make it spit.
----------------------------------
*Wedding night ki subah Dulhe ne Dulhan se Pocha.“Kesa Mehsoos ker rahi ho?“Dulhan: Aap ne to mujhe Kallu dhobi ki yaad dila di.
------------------------------------
*Indian cricket team or toilet me common kya hai……? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?Are yaar Dhoni yahan bhi hai or Dhoni wahan bhi hai….. . . .ha ha ha ha
--------------------------------------
*Boy2sales Girl:give a condom?
SalesGirl:Can I touch ur Pens 4 size?Boy:ok.SalesGirl:Give him “M“ size,wait..Give “L‘wait..Give ‘XL‘
oh shitt.Give me a tissue paper.
--------------------------------------
*Dulhay ne 1st nite dulhan ki ankh par kiss ki aur bola“ankhain shakhsiat ki kitab hoti hai”
dulhan: tum kitabo may khoye ho nichay Library me aag lagi hoi hai..
--------------------------------------
Santa ki wife ki delivry hui
Nurse tanke laga rhi thi.
Santa hopelessly standing behind window and asked the nurse-
"Ssh ssh sister, Puri to nahi silogi.?"
---------------------------------------
Beti: mummy,aap ke jmaane mein 10-10 bache kyon hote they..???
Mummy: Beti..hamare time pe..
Ye munh mein Lene wala riwaz nahi tha na...
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